Notice I didn't say lips. But I rather like the sound of bloggers do it with lip. Do crocodiles even have lips? Never mind.
Here are some tried and true Mrs Crocodile time saving tips:
1) Try a vacuum cleaner that really sucks: Warning: watch out for the kids and certain parts of your anatomy.
2) Read Mommy blogs: They are entertaining and remind you that you like your own kids heaps more than anyone else's and you won't have to go through the hassle of breeding again.
3) Keep more than one lover: I know you won't believe me and I don't have to state the obvious, but breaking up will be a lot less time consuming.
4) Try putting this in your next personal ad: "Watching a man doing my laundry, washing my dishes, taking my trash out, washing my car, washing my windows, carrying my groceries, vacuuming the kids up, cleaning the toilet and doing light DIY work around the house always does it for me.* I have a new vacuum cleaner which really sucks."
5) Room dividers: If no-one responds to the personal ad, buy a room divider and put it up in front of the mess. I have one with a man silk-screened on it.
7) Meditate: Use that gray matter between your ears for a mini-vacation.
8) Buy a bull-horn and always keep it with your mobile phone: people may get the message faster than you think, you save time and your voice. Someday they may come up with a Harry Potter "Howler" App for iphones.
9) Buy a watch: You can buy a watch but you can't buy time: so go out and splurge on a great new time piece.
Yours,
With no time on her hands,
Mrs Crocodile
*You don't have to mention exactly what it does...
Here are some tried and true Mrs Crocodile time saving tips:
1) Try a vacuum cleaner that really sucks: Warning: watch out for the kids and certain parts of your anatomy.
2) Read Mommy blogs: They are entertaining and remind you that you like your own kids heaps more than anyone else's and you won't have to go through the hassle of breeding again.
3) Keep more than one lover: I know you won't believe me and I don't have to state the obvious, but breaking up will be a lot less time consuming.
4) Try putting this in your next personal ad: "Watching a man doing my laundry, washing my dishes, taking my trash out, washing my car, washing my windows, carrying my groceries, vacuuming the kids up, cleaning the toilet and doing light DIY work around the house always does it for me.* I have a new vacuum cleaner which really sucks."
5) Room dividers: If no-one responds to the personal ad, buy a room divider and put it up in front of the mess. I have one with a man silk-screened on it.
7) Meditate: Use that gray matter between your ears for a mini-vacation.
8) Buy a bull-horn and always keep it with your mobile phone: people may get the message faster than you think, you save time and your voice. Someday they may come up with a Harry Potter "Howler" App for iphones.
9) Buy a watch: You can buy a watch but you can't buy time: so go out and splurge on a great new time piece.
Yours,
With no time on her hands,
Mrs Crocodile
*You don't have to mention exactly what it does...
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Love, love, love your tips. Maybe if I should follow them and document my life changes as a result of following your tips then I'd become a best-selling author. Please make some more lists!
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